Forgiveness is a big word, often misused or misunderstood. So you ask, what is forgiveness?
Forgiveness is actually a decision, the decision to let go of the pain, of the hurt and to make peace with what has happened. I forgive for myself, not others. I am the person to who forgiveness is beneficial. To forgive (self or others) is to allow me to release and remove that heavyweight of negative emotional attachment created with the event. If I don’t do this and I suppress these “negative” emotions, they will, later on, have a detrimental impact on my life, my relationships and my health. This has been proven by Sciences, Neurosciences and Psychology, the damage that unreleased and suppressed emotions can do to our brain is real.
Being in touch with what is happening inside of you is a must. Connecting to your feelings is healthy. Feeling emotions, positive or negative is natural and part of your skillset as a human being. However, I cannot act upon these negative feelings; they are just showing up to let me know what is happening inside of me, then they want to be released, not acted upon. Indeed, we want actions and behaviours to only be driven by love, empathy, compassion and peace. This is more than possible if you have not embraced that road yet. It’s never too late to learn. It’s called mind-management.
I forgive, and I don’t forget, yes! However I make peace with it so when I look back on it, I feel ok.
Your past is essential as it takes you to your future, to your next level, if you wish to follow it, if you have the courage to release the pain and not let it become part of your reality and soon your identity, then and only then you can say I have forgiven myself/other. And you are ready to look at it with peace and see what this event has brought you, what good you have taken from it, what positive lesson you have learnt from that experience (as painful as it has been).
Remember one important thing, life happens FOR us and not TO us. So if you don’t have this build up in your belief system yet, start today, don’t wait. As soon as you believe this, you will see your life through a whole new vision and then trauma, challenges, painful events become opportunities to become a better version of yourself. A lifelong journey, though.
Clearly, when something traumatic happens, it is usually very complex to forgive straight away. Be kind to yourself, be patient, get professional support. You don’t have to do it alone. Indeed, forgiveness is a process. Things need to be done before we can make the decision and decide to forgive.
When you go through trauma (different levels), challenge, obstacle, there is an emotional attachment that is created and attached to it, meaning that you have experienced a high level of negative emotions that impact your mind and body. These emotions have to be released for us to be able to let go of them and then forgive. Otherwise, every time they are relived, they are reinforced and become real; at some stage, they become you, part of your identity and ego.
Your story needs to be heard by a professional, or sometimes journal writing/ letters will do the job, depending on the degree of the impact.
Please dare to reach out, dare to be curious, to discover new ways of living your life and painful event. You don’t have to be miserable or, worst, become a victim of your own feelings and thoughts, your own reality. Because let’s face it, when you let your negative emotions be experienced over and over (especially when thinking about the painful memory), you are actually reliving the feelings and making it real for the brain and creating/reinforcing a program based on past memory and past feelings of that past memory.
It’s like locking yourself away in a prison of past emotions, then your subconscious will look for a situation in the present and make that past reality happens. In other words, you are living in the past and creating new realities based on past experiences so your mind can act upon those past memories.
Let’s look inside. Have you forgiven people and yourself for past pain and trauma from situations you have experienced? Have you released the pain and hurt you were triggered by? It’s never too late to look at it and start healing. Imagine what your life would be if it was lived from peace, compassion and unconditional love? Well, it is possible for you too. All start within, look for any past wounds that might need healing, any people (alive or not) that might need forgiveness, and any past circumstances that you might still be holding on to.
Be brave to start this journey, be strong, you are built for it, you can do this (with support), you can decide to take the control back and be in charge of your happiness for good!
Being ok with being vulnerable and being courageous enough to be responsible for the way you feel, think and act (which create your reality) is the secret to a happier and fulfilled life.
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